batshit crazy bible verses you never hear about

Hey, thanks for posting this. Good laugh! Wonder why some of my facebook friends never quote these verses in their devotional suggestions. Oh, ya, because they show exactly how ridiculous is their religion.
Just had a thought... you know how Jon Stewart does The Daily Show as a fake news show? We need a comedian to do a fake religion show where he "preaches" on these types of verses.
Are you old enough to remember Cod Co from years back? One of the skits they did that was absolutely a scream was a take off on "It is Written" (an SDA religious show) where he "preached" about Abraham. Wish I could find it online somewhere. So incredibly hillarious!

One of my favourite passages to get right-wing Evangelicals to squirm is the bit in Acts 4-5 where it effectively describes communism as being ordained by God, and God striking down people for trying to exercise a right to ownership of personal property:

32 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. 33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all 34 that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales 35 and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.

36 Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means “son of encouragement”), 37 sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the apostles’ feet.

1 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. 2 With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.

3 Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? 4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”

5 When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. 6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.

7 About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”
“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”

9 Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”

10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.

Something else illuminating: go to any of the online Bible sites and search for the words "Ten Commandments" in the Bible... i.e. where the words are actually used in the original text, not where they've been added as notations/titles by later editors.

You'll probably come up with Exodus 34. Read those Ten Commandments.